It must be baby season because that is all I have been hearing lately. 4 friends in a little over 2 weeks have told me that they were expecting. While I am super happy for them, it makes me feel like my heart is breaking (or a deep sadness, both feel the same to me). Today the first of many sonograms from my friends showed itself to facebook and across my screen, this is where I have been all day, in this kind of mood (why me).
Tonight, after spending some time with a friend who does day care, and holding and playing with a 10 month old I felt like there was hope, finally. But then I went to get the mail and the Target baby catalog was in it. The first thing that came into my head was what sob signed me up for this crap, since it didn't say to so and so or current resident.
When I walked in the door, as I hurled the thing across the room in anger was when did they start sending these things out again and as odd as it sounds is what I have been trying to focus on since that damn catalog came into the house. I would at this point be reading each page and making mental notes of things I would like to have. But I have a spare bedroom with things in it already, we don't lack much other than a crib, changing table and the baby for that room. So I have been trying to focus on anything that can keep me out of that state of mind.
Its hard to not keep thinking of how it felt as Brooke put her (10 month old) head against my chest and fall asleep earlier, but like my target issue I am trying to not let that consume me.
Thankfully I have soulcysters where I don't feel alone, while not everyone there is going through the same exact thing, it's like Cheers where everybody knows your name and they're always glad you came.... and now back there I go.
