Pearls

What a odd past few days

Still no sign of AF however, I thought that I really was going to have it a few times on and off the last few days. I had horrible cramps the last 3-4 days to the point where I thought I was starting to bleed but still nothing. Sunday night (6/30) I had the oddest feeling while sitting on my bed doing math homework, it was almost as if a jolt of lightning started in my head and worked down to my abdomen, it took my breath away, it was only once but it felt so odd. It's been a trying weekend, my oldest kiddo is having tooth problems and she isn't able to go under anesthesia with her health issues. It's been bothering me since Friday and I don't know what to do about it. They are my babies and they mean the world to me. They are all seniors now and I know it really is just a matter of time before I loose them. I wish that they lived as long as humans do. This morning I start back to my advanced Spanish class, this summer I have just been overwhelmed, I am failing my math I am no good at doing linear equality and quadratic stuff. This is why I want to teach k-6 and nothing more advanced than that. I worry that I am going to totally drown in this Spanish class, I guess only time will tell. I am done couponing for a while, I have a ton of pretty much anything that is non perishable it takes up a ton of my time and although it seems like it would be it's not super cheap either. Since we don't get many coupons weekly, maybe 20 a week I have been buying my coupon inserts at a place out of Tamapa, for 15 with shipping I get 6 of ss and 6 of rp and they have tons of good coupons in them. I now however have, 16 things of wipes, which I only paid tax on because of the coupons that I will either use on the kiddos paws when they are dirty or I will save until we have kids (if we have kids that is). Plus I have a ton of nb diapers, some size 1 and size 2. Luckily things like diapers don't expire but I hope to use them sooner than later. Now I need to get some sleep, or at least try. CD42 *sigh*

Cd37

*sigh* no idea what's going on I'm so confused and frustrated at the moment. Odd discharge Tuesday, still no signs of af.

Dh found a gift card on the desk that said baby on it, he sounded excited and asked if I had anything to tell him, it killed me inside to tell him now. Truth is I picked it up at Walmart it was the only one close to the register I was at and I needed to out money on a gift card so I could get gas at Sams. Just the look on his face when he found it and the tone in his voice *sigh* its been sitting there for a super long time and he just noticed yesterday. Usually he's super aware of things around him and catches things that are sitting out. So I broke the news to him that kill me to admit, I'm still not pregnant (which in my head it means I can't make you a daddy and its killing me inside).

Truth is when I am pg I have a plan, I bought a baby on bias thing for a car window and I'm going to sneak it onto his drivers side window so he sees it first thing in the morning before he leaves for work. I have faith that I will be able to use it someday, just hoping its sooner than later. 

Cd 34

Looks like my body is back to its usual self, unlike last month where I had symptoms of af coming on her own 30 days from her last visit here I am at cd34 with nothing. Few cramps like I was going to have a visit from af when dh and I were at the movies Friday but nothing.

I had some odd nausea/vomiting Thursday afternoon. I can't even explain the feeling I had all of a sudden, it felt like by breathing I would get sick so I held my breath for a couple seconds and felt fine then breathed again and bam, that was that. 

I got really sloppy on my testing and bbt this last cycle, I tested too late on the ovk than when I ov from based on the cycle before. I have a feeling that I didn't even ovulate this cycle and its super discouraging. 

I keep going back and forth on testing now, I can't stand to poas again and get the billionth bfn. I always get my hopes up so high and see/hear all these other pso-ers getting their 1st, 2nd, 3rd ... Bfp it feels like I am back where I was before with each bfn test. 

It's Sunday so my relaxing shopping is in a few hours. Have a mini list planned and am going to try something's. I have some coupons for diapers so ill probably buy them since ill get them dirt cheap (yay cvs), in the end if we don't have kids I can sell/give the diapers away along with all my other baby stuff. 

I just wish I didn't feel so damn bloated tonight I feel like I weight 100 more lbs and even the slightest material on my stomach like the waist band of my stretchy jeans bothered me.

It's crazy how I think nothing of these symptoms until I blog and then they all come back to me, I brush things off a lot with all my illnesses its just something I am used to doing.

Guess I will test in the am at this point it really can't hurt. 

I hate creating titles, lets call this one...umm... the millionth update :)

It's been crazy here lately for me, I ended up getting overwhelmed in one of my classes and it spiraled into the the other two that I am taking. Luckily I was able to test out of one and be accepted into the other advanced Spanish class that begins next week, hopefully I will be able to breathe by that point. Two advanced classes and a math class was just too much all at once for one summer, I was totally hitting burnout. I didn't use my ovk too much this month and starting tempting but soon forgot so I ended up just using FF with my CM, I didn't get a positive with the two ovk's that I took that would have been corresponding with my last months O, so I am not sure if I did O or not. I have little faith that we were successful this cycle and I am starting to get super frusterated with the whole thing. As of Tuesday I have had two bfn frer's, every time I test I find myself going to extremes it's almost like I see an imaginary line, so I grab my flashlight and shine it up under the test then putt the strip out, I must look like a fool and feel like one after I do it. If I am regular like I was last month (It caught me off guard since I haven't been regular since I was 16), AF should be showing up Thursday. Not having the same symptoms that I had last month before she showed so I don't know what is going to happen this time around, I will just have to wait and see. If she does show up I am not going to do another clomid cycle this time around. I only have one more cycle left if I go 50 again, so I need to order more or just use the last cycle and if it doesn't work call it a day with it. I have started couponing and that has gotten me into a bit of trouble on the baby front. I ended up finding some awesome coupons and great deals for diapers at Target and Walmart and jumped on them. I ended up paying under $10 for a box of Huggies sensitive newborns and then I bought some of the sensitive pampers Mega Packs this week for 15.00 and got a 5.00 target gift card to use later. Sadly I ended us using the gift card on a frer but it was something I was going to need to get at Walmart and I didn't feel like driving there and dealing with some of the crazies that go to ours. Side note, I ended up going to Wamego for a business trip on Friday and stopped in a town that was on the way to leave flowers at my father in laws grave since we havent been up there this year yet. I didn't have flowers and took a chance on seeing what few stores might be in Rossville and if they would have any flowers. I ended up at a thrift store (I could have spent all day there) and of course ended up in the baby section somehow as soon as I got inside. I went through the clothes to see what they had, just for the fun of it turn away and happened to see a rack of clothes that were hidden under the one rack. I found an Eric Carle yellow jumper in perfect condition for $1.99, I couldn't pass it up so I snatched it up without hesitation. My body is tired but my mind is going a millions miles a minute, it's 130 in the morning and I can't sleep. I keep forgetting to update things so it might be a while before I get back in the groove of things with my blog postings but for now thats everything in a nutshell with what has happened in the last few weeks. Hasta Pronto!