Barren

I need to vent for a moment and know some of you girls can relate. Pcos is driving me nuts and usually I can brush off all of the new baby showers and so forth so when we went to a last minute Las Vegas style justice of the peace marriage (yes 6 hours of planning) I didn't think about the children that would be there. The bride to be and her husband to be have a 5 month old little girl and two boys, I offered to watch her while they said I do so everyone in the family could take photos. This is where things go south. They need to go into the administration to pay and get things ready so her soon to be husband hands me their daughter Avery in her car seat carrier thing. I had promised myself I would not hold a baby in my arms; my heart just can't take it so when I was holding the carrier she was smiling up a storm and dh looks over *sigh* never seen that look in him, just his eyes spoke volumes. Next thing I know a little old lady who is going to the elevator walks over to me holding Avery in her little carrier and tells me that I have a beautiful little happy girl there. Insert my heart breaking into a million pieces. I held together for their ceremony dh had to leave early so it was just me on the way home, I made it to my car and bawled the entire drive home. I've tried not to stew on it tonight and to focus on something else but it's just not happening.